Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Day In My Life - The Cafeteria Days

I attended so many schools; it would take a novel to just to get through kindergarten to middle school. The price you pay for being a military brat. One story sticks in head from my middle school days.

Being a very awkward teenager and just returning to my hometown of Burlington NJ from a school in Hampton VA, I found reconnecting with childhood acquaintances was becoming quite difficult. To avoid being ostracized, I hung out with the smokers, occasionally taking a puff just to show I was cool. We always hid out between a building and the statue of Wilbur Watts, also the name of the school, and did our dastardly deed. Since this was the bad ass crowd, not to many people fucked with us and we remained relatively safe from the threats and hazing by the jocks. They were afraid we might cough on them and give them some kind of disease.

I remember this day so vividly. After the bell rang for classes to start, we all grabbed our books and head into school for first period. I was finishing up the last puff so I smashed the cig on the ground and took off for the door. Some dickweed jock came running up behind me and pushed me into the door and didn’t even have the good graces to say excuse me. I was pissed and I recognized him as one of the asshole wrestlers who pinned me down in the gym and rubbed his funky ass arm pit in my face. It was time for retribution.

I sat through all my morning classes not even paying attention, just thinking of a way to get back at this douche wad. What made it worst was that I had seen him in my lunch period before with his other jock buddies. I would have my chance for revenge before the day ended.
Lunch time came around and we had “shit on a shingle” that day. For those who don’t know what shit on a shingle is, its ground beef in some horrible tasting tomato sauce served with mash potatoes and sitting on top of toast. Not a pleasant looking meal.

When lunch period started, I got my meal and hid behind a pillar so not to be seen. Sure nuff, said asshole comes strolling in with his entourage of hooligan’s grab-assing and all sorts of jock shit. After drinking my carton of juice, I opened the carton up and tried to make the folds as weak as possible then stuffing it full of the nasty crap and those watery mash potatoes. I folded it back up and waited for the right moment when they were so engaged in their own laughter and banter they would not see it coming.

They were so full on themselves and talking about their glories on the mat and conquest with the girls that they where oblivious to my presence. Then it came, he mentioned a name that just sunk into the pit of my stomach. This was all the catalyst I needed to launch my attack. I launched the carton in the air and it sailed towards its intended target with the grace of an Eagle sailing on the up currents of the wind.

Oh the name, I forgot to tell you about that. Well I had a deep crush on a girl at school named Tony Tupea. She was an Italian girl who I knew from grade school and we always walked to school in the mornings and I carried her books to school for her. Boy was I a sucker.

Oh, the carton is still in the air isn’t it? Ok, the carton came crashing down on his head splattering crap all over him and his crew. No sooner I started laughing my ass off then a teacher grabbed my shoulder and said come with me, you’re in big trouble son.

It was worth being expelled and the subsequent ass whopping I got that evening. My dad didn’t understand why I was laughing while he was whipping me. He quit in frustration and left nodding his head. I never forgave Tony for kissing him but that’s how love goes.


themom said...

I'm all for revenge...and sometimes the punishment afterwrds is worth it all!! the visual for this is great!

warpedmindofron@columbus.rr.com said...

I'm with you on this, so totally worth it! LOL..

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I just read this on JK's and laughed like a loon! :-)

kenju said...

Very funny, and I can see it happening.

The Dish said...

That is excellent! I am all for douchewads getting their comeuppance!

libby said...

good memory, huh? kinda gives you the warm fuzzies to think of it, doesnt it?

MTBLaura said...

What an awesome story!! And I haven't heard the term "shit on a shingle" in forever, but for us it was any crap that you didn't want to eat regardless of ingredients. That was a hilarious memory.

Really, though, was the italian girl you had a crush on who kissed the jock, names TONY? That's an odd name for a girl.

Shiny Rod said...

I think her name was actually Antoinette but we call her Tony for short.